By: Nonkcubeko Mkwalo
Whenever we read about relationships and relationship advice, we tend to look at the ways we can help improve or maintain a healthy relationship. However, it’s also important to recognise and talk about the qualities that make a relationship unhealthy or toxic traits that people should be aware of when in relationships. Below are different signs of toxicity that writer, Cindy Lamothe says can be found in relationships:
Toxic communication
This is when both parties fail to talk to each other with love and compassion, instead they treat and communicate with criticism, sarcasm and hostility. This then leads to the couple avoiding talking to each other, since every conversation is accompanied by aggression, anger and pride. In light of this, the couple never see eye to eye and the relationship begins to fail -since there is no space for proper communication.
Ignoring your own needs
If you keep going along and agreeing with everything your partner wants to do, even if it goes against your comfort or wishes- then that relationship is a 100% toxic. This is where one partner does everything for their significant other, but never does anything important for themselves. With this in mind, keeping your significant other happy becomes your top priority then you end up forgetting you and your own needs- leading to an unhappy experience in the relationship.
Jealousy
Although people may feel like a bit of jealousy is expected in a relationship, it is not a healthy habit. Jealousy in a relationship can lead to a very uncomfortable place, reason being that it can slowly grow to the partner feeling a sense of bitterness towards their significant other. This can result in couples being jealous of each other’s success, which then makes everything a competition.
Patterns of disrespect
When you are constantly being disrespected in your relationship, then it’s about time you recognised the sign. If a partner continuously does something of which they are aware that their significant other wouldn’t like or approve- that is disrespect. A relationship is about treating your partner the same way you’d want them to treat you, if that isn’t the case then that relationship is toxic.
Hoping for change
Most people tend to believe that staying in relationships because you see the one partner’s potential to change, is an act of love and compromise. This is not true. If you continue finding yourself in a place where you are constantly sad and unhappy in the relationship, then it’s probably better to leave the relationship. Waiting and hoping that the person might one day change, is you imprisoning yourself in an unhealthy relationship.
Controlling behaviours
If you have a partner that always insists you do what they tell you, or constantly questions your whereabouts- then you are in an unhealthy relationship. This type of behaviour is toxic to a relationship because you don’t get a sense of freedom, as every move you make is always monitored. With this in mind, most cases of controlling behaviour are usually signs of abuse.
Walking on eggshells
A relationship is about being able to communicate and confront issues that are troubling you, in order to avoid any problems and complications. If you are afraid to raise an issue that’s bothering you and keep avoiding it, with reason that you are worried about provoking extreme tension- then that relationship is not the one for you. Being together means you become transparent about issues and care for your partner’s feelings, if that’s not the case you need to rethink being in that relationship.
After reading and knowing about these signs, it’s easier to understand and recognise whether you’re in a healthy or toxic relationship.
